20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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