Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
