I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize