i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
