So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
