You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
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