just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My balls are so social today.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
