guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
