so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
