Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
