Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
