Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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