Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
