apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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