she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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