you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
