My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
