He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
