I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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