So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
