oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
