I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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