Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
