Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
