So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
