she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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