The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize