This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
