i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
