Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
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