all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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