I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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