He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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