Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
