I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
