I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
