Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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