so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I am one with the molecules
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
