she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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