did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
