I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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