cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize