Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
