Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
