I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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