Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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