No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
