I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
