Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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