i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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