The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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