I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
