the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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