i don't want you to think of me as your TA
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I queefed so loud it echoed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
