My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
