No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
