My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
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fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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