Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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