:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
