I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
