Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
