i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
