3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
