He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
