last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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