There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
