Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
