let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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