Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You ruined the universe
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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