Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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