My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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