its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
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You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
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