I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
